Winter's finally here & You're still a cunt

Tajikistan.


Here's a country I picked at random that I figured not many people know about. I intend to keep it that way.






90% of the country is covered in mountains.
The other 10% is a pile of shite.

Here's a picture of all the citizens of their largest town. That's the mayor on the left and on the right is one the lads.
The mayor lost his right eye in a tragic winking contest. He hit his head off a wall and forgot how to open his eyelid.






This fella here is the president of Tajikistan. He also sells dry fruit. For the craic.

Their main income is alluminium and cotton.
Their predominant export is ignorance, hence my blog.




Now back to the rest of the world. Reality.


Headphone wires or Ear handles?
You decide.



Next time you look at someone (better from behind) with earphones in, imagine pulling away their ears with the wire stands.




Live Aid.

The idea: To raise funds for relief of the Ethiopian famine by holding massive concerts and such.
In this fundraiser, they informed the Ethiopians about the celebration of Christmas.





I have a similar plan. It shall be known as Live Hate.



The Idea: First, we'll raise funds to hold massive concerts in the most poverty stricken countries around the world.
It's primary idea is for awareness, specifically about Christmas. It will be for the new generations who weren't around for the event in the 80s. All those starving children deserve to know that the rest of the world are enjoying themselves; wasting their money on stupid stuff that they don't need or possibly even want and are all gorging themselves on massive dinners. It's only fair that they know the truth. According to the bible, it'll set you free.

Any ideas for a slogan?

Teletubbies

*Since nearly a third of my readers aren't from Ireland, and not every one of those Irish people are from the North-west; I'll put a phrase reference at the bottom so you can all be educated.*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQMKZxX-Tyo
This episode is about a naughty snake.

Once you get passed the intro, some serious shit goes down. The windmill starts goin' 90* and Tinky Winky gets the reception and the pleasure of hosting some quality t.v.

Low and behold, this wan*: "The funny lady" appears. I fail to gather the encouragement towards homosexuality in this show when there's a vixen like this one emphasising everything that you'd hear in any good adult videos.
Such as;

"Would you like to help me do the dusting?"

~ which can be heard on many tele-shopping ads. Nothing more heterosexual than references to household tasks. She also loves cock.

Po acts like a right cunt* in the second part: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdeT6dRIlzA
When she finishes goose-stepping around the house, we're informed further, as to how naughty she really is.

"Sometimes Po is so naughty, she goes up and down too many times."

If you can find a way to go up a slide without taking a run-up, you are some legend.

"Sometimes Po is so naughty, she goes in and out too many times."

Right, the slide and the march was grand. Even Noo-noo didn't mind. But she has to go over and fuck with the door. I don't know about you, but I think she was asking for a good back of the hand. Noo-noo is no man for the naughtiness. He might be a bit of a dry shite* from time to time, but sure, there you are. He doesn't even end up doing anything in the end.

It's very likely that Po did this in spite of Noo-noo. I heard from Curly-Wurly, the lesser known teletubby, that Noo-noo used to have a drinking problem and was ragin'* 'cause all the others were mad fry bags* and only watched t.v, and used to eat all of his tubby rashers when he was passed out. So he went out and tried to suck the ring off Po, but she caught him and there was crazy slaps being dished out*. She hasn't been the same since.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cUJsMgAVV8

This is an episode where some chickens gets fed. Hard hitting stuff.
Now, these lads aren't the regular run of the mill young fellas. James, Matthew and the baby brother; they feed the chickens everyday. And they like doing it. Never have truer words been spoken.

The young fella in the green, as you can see, is going to feed two mad boyos in the pen, but he's aware of what's happening and gets the fuck out of there before shit goes down. Sometimes the country can be more dangerous than a rusty knife....holding a knife.

We're led to believe this youngster isn't the type for trouble making, but he goes ahead and throws some feed at the cameraman afterwards, like the cheeky faced boyo he is.

O.k. So what have we learned?
1. Never trust a young fella.
2. Not sure. Lets watch it again.

Sadly, the other parts aren't uploaded, but I'll run you through it.

They watch the entire vid again, as you can see. They reflect on what they saw. For about 2seconds. Then they fuck off and eat some tubby custard and toast.



*
"This wan" - This one(person)
"Goin' 90" ~ Going 90miles per hour : to go crazy or to become energetic, very fast.
"A right cunt" ~ "right"/proper is used as an adjective to emphasise how much of a cunt you are (very much so).
"Dry shite" ~ Downer. A miserable person who sucks the life out of everything.
"Ragin'" - Raging: to be angry or upset.
"Fry bag" ~ A stoner (to be fried is to be high).
"Crazy slaps being dished out" ~ To dish out a slap is to punch/hit someone repeatedly or beat them up.

So now after reading this, you should be able to easily understand someone if they tell you the following:

"This wan was bein' a right aul' cunt to this fry bag, bein' a proper dry shite, so some other fella came over and went 90 on him, dishin' out some serious slaps. I'd be so ragin' if I was him".

Credits to John Dobson for the picture.

Grá? (Love?)

Violets are purenz bloo,
Nd Roses, dey are like reli red,
Lol itz nawt valetimes, but sure,
Can i still get head?

A man came onto a bus wearing his pyjama's.
It was perfectly acceptable. He got off at his preferred destination and went on with his life.

Girls like a chase. They don't like getting raped in a forest though.
Make up your minds! Always starting, never finishing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Fish


Here's a man who cut the bullshit. I suggest you educate yourself on the man.

Here's a quote out of a letter he sent to a young girl's mother;

"I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms. Cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her tho [sic] I could of had I wished. She died a virgin."

How comforted she must have felt to know he didn't rape her.

The moral of the story is. Be a bit more direct towards men, and maybe, just maybe, you wont get tortured, raped and eaten.

He also liked boys. Here's a lesson in cooking:

"I made a stew out of his ears – nose – pieces of his face and belly. I put onions, carrots, turnips, celery, salt and pepper. It was good. Then I split the cheeks of his behind open, cut off his monkey and pee wees and washed them first. I put strips of bacon on each cheek of his behind and put them in the oven."

His nickname as a child was "Ham and Eggs".

Moving on.


Joseph Fritzl. D.I.Y King.

There's a man who can build.
I can just about put up a level shelf. He built a dungeon under his house in under 2years.

Don't let the bags under the eyes fool you. He stores wall filler in there.

Think what you will about the man, but look at that.













He should have been sentenced to a lifetime of building extensions.


To surmise this blog; Love is a strange thing. If you don't want someones love, remember to give it back. Then run for the hills.

My Thirst

Why is there an apple
Inside my bag?
But wait!
It's a peach.
I placed it there this morning.
With haste,
But not waste,
I placed it in my mouth.

The taste,
It erased,
The flavour coming first,
My thirst.

F is the most sensitive button on my keyboard

So I apologise if I'm tempted to swear frequently. Of such matters as foreigners, France, french foreigners and fornication.

That person in the distance. One moment they're someone you've known all your life.
The next, they're just an acquaintance.
Now you're face to face. You've never seen them in your life.

Autumn is a more poignant time for night. Nature nears death, but seems to be more conspicuous.
It's similar to someone who just had their torso torn open and their intestines are spilling everywhere. Maybe a bit more sentimental. I suppose you could throw some ribbons around their lungs and liver. Liven up the image a bit.

Walking through an imbroglio of snails. Landmines below my feet. A loss of a life every time. Unintentional.
"There's too many of them anyways".
I bet you would justify yourself with that too, you Nazi bastard.


This is a reading from the letter of St. Paul to the Romans;

Wel bois, wat yeh up tah? pure bord ere lol

wb

---------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, I'm Jessica.
I am a stewardess. Days working like crazy and nights Alone in a Hotel room
I would like to meet someone for intimate encounters.

This week, I will be in different cities of US... New York, Sligo, Los Angeles, Miami ...

I also travel to: UK & Canada next month

I am looking for an ongoing sexual relationship only with No Engagement!!!!

All the big cities of the U.S, and now Sligo. Why?!
But it does sound very promising.


Some nights when I'm out,
I wonder.
Which pint glass did I leave my standards at the bottom of?

I also wonder. Could I jump down the full flight of stairs and crawl to the urinal quicker than stumbling down each step, avoiding sick and crying girls.

The answer to all these questions is bound to be at the bottom of another glass.



So smash it off a table and jam it into your neck, you mess.














U tawk funi wit ur wurdz :S

1 New Message

Hi, I'm Michael Finn, and I'd like to sodomise your mum.

I wrote a rant about big brother that's too long for a status, so fancy publishing it on your blog? Cheers.

Is actually pissed off with Channel 4's decision to have a fucking ''Ultimate Big Brother'''! Aimed towards the fucking retards that don't even know what 'Big Brother' is supposed to mean, but somehow feel a connection with the attention whores clustered into a house together! I thought Channel 4 had standards, but they seem to lack imagination, and want to give twats fame for no specific reason, or airspace to an Asian poof, that has a thing for saggy women.You could tell me not to watch it, but if it's not the 12 hours of airspace it takes up, it's gonna be another shitfest like X Factor, just on time to have a bollocks cover song (which every chav will realise he/she loves, and will play it on their phones, ignorant to the fact that it's a cover) with a key change at the end and a montage of the 'X Factor journey' in a radio friendly, Christmas music video! But we must feel sympathy for their sob stories, as having a dead mum or a recovering drug problem makes you, somehow, a good singer.

In conclusion, it took Jade Goody three Big Brothers to get evicted from life, hope the trend continues, :).

There you go, you shite monger. I'm not making a habit of posting peoples rants. So if you want a piece of my exposure, you can fuck right off.
Double plus good!

Shattered

August has been a scattered month. Whataya gonna do?!

If your body is a temple, then mine is a slum.

Thinking you've eaten all your toast and turning around to find a corner of toast sitting on the arm-rest. That is quite enjoyable.

Getting mistaken for another cat by a... yeh... because you have rattling coins in your pocket is awful daft. Every time you look behind you, there it is, looking around as if you didn't know.
Sure don't we all.

My raggedy ass clothes have exposed me once again.

I may be unhealthy, but I certainly don't look it!

Look at you. Driving your own extensions of your greed.

The big problem with thinking too fast is that you can't keep at the same pace speaking, so you slur your words. Your brain will go at such a speed that it'll trip over your mouth, leaving you with an overbite. That pretty much hinders you even further. Maybe even your forehead will melt over your face in a fury of linguistic improbabilities.
Typing is a different story. I've never tripped over my own fingers. I suppose I could grab my feet and hop down the stairs.
That's likely to happen in a world where my mind moves slower than my digestive system.
Or in a house where I'm given free alcohol.

Gladly appreciated if you could oblige me to that.

As I've said before, I love making paragraphs. It keeps me happy, and it stops your attention from fading. I start losing the point and you~

Jump ahead. Wonderful!

Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
Every tick.
Every tock.
One more second.
One more second awake.
Time passes,
And you wait.
Every second,
And you hear it.
"Lets count time together"; Says the clock.
"Lets hide you from the night"; Says the lock.
Inside, and behind your door.
Start drinking coffee, 'cause you'll sleep no more.
The tick and the tock from every little clock.
The watch keeping rhyme,
Keeping you awake all the time.
In a time where patience and rest comes to play,
Ticking in the night. The world sleeps until day.

What time did you go to sleep?
I don't know. I was meant to check the time as soon as I fell asleep.

For something interesting: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20100824/tod-the-pizza-burger-a-2-500-calorie-fat-870a197.html

Get it into yeh!